An unhappy boy...

sigh....recently....juz feeling quite miserable...really sad, unhappy, and miserable again....coz...i juz dunno how to explain it....sigh..i am beginning to feel tat i am no longer myself...i hate myself...for everything....for anything tat has to do with me....for every single thing i have done....sometimes i wonder why God did not pity me and let me take this kind of road...why? for something in the future...? i do not know.....i really do not know....I am all alone by myself...for every single beautiful thing i witness in life....turns out to be sadness in my heart...as i see pictures after pictures.....my heart is crying in its loudest voice in despair....sometimes i feel like ending everything....i dun want to be further tortured....i dun want to see ppl laughing at me....i do not live in pretendence.....i let them go on...i told myself...keep holding on....no matter what i do..i must go on....slowly painfullly, i grasp every single strain of energy to go on...but it seems to fail...i tell myself to look on the bright side....on positive aspects...and see nothing....for my parents , i feel so sorry to let you down....thanks for everything...from bringing me up to lettting me have such good education now...i know you have done ur very best...i do not blame you for having me to endure this kind of life....for my friends....if do not really like me...or you hate me...you can juz come and tell me in my face....i wont blame you...if you no longer want to be frens, then let it be....for in forcing will find no peace...for those who think that i am imperfect in everything compared to you....physical or anything...continue to laugh..i am juz a mere actor on stage trying to entertain you.....forget about me...i am juz an illusion in life....i dont exist....if you still do remember me...then juz take it as a dream...u have dreamt everything...i have sacrificed a lot in my own life....chance were thr and i did not take it...from the old kar lun to the new kar lun...pls end this torture god....your child cannot stand it anymore...i told myself i have change to the better...i cant cheat myself anymore...pls end this...