If times stops...

12.1.10.....its been a long time since i blog...mainly because i was too busy i think..
from today, leaves a total of 36 days before you leave. i really dunno wat to do...all i do is to think about you...didnt have much appetite to eat...slept late just to stay up and chat with you. although i cant see you, i still felt happy just by chatting. I did say out my true feelings but your reaction was just...like normal...but i think i could sense a little bit of happiness in you. i thought i didnt regret by saying it out before you leave, but i was wrong...this sadness still comes...i went to the beach last week just to scream my voice out. i threw stones into the sea as far as my strength could carry it...i freaking punch the sand repeatedly...until all the other people though i was mad...why is fate so cruel to me? fight fate, i told myself.....In the end, i could not, simply because i was a human...sometimes i just wanted sleep all day, because as long as i was awake, i would think about you...think about you gonna leave...my heart hurts like mad. i could not care less about other things and suddenly they dont seem so important anymore. how and why this happens? , i dont know...I will always remember the 1st time i saw you smile...a smile that is different than most of the others, a smile that is so natural...I never felt so helpless before in my life...i hate myself for being so weak...i let this sadness torture me, over and over and over again, until i had lost the willpower to resist it.the only thing i could do, is to wish you good luck and stay in happiness over there. campus is going to reopen soon...studies is going to begin soon...but maybe what memories remain here, was never meant to be...you will always remain in my memory...